Expert's corner n°2 - September 2015
We all like sex, but...
Dr Stephen de Wit, Sexologist
The verdict is in: We all like sex, and its numerous benefits. Sex makes the world go ‘round...... but when an issue or concern about a sexual relationship arises, it’s as if the world stops turning.
Concerns about a sexual relationship can consume our daily thoughts and interfere with our connection to our partner. If you have ever experienced these concerns, then you understand how difficult they can be. If you have not, then you should know that you probably will at some point in your life. It is simply part of being human.
As we evolve and change to meet life's demands, we impact our sex lives – and not always for the better. A recent study showed that half (50%) of all sexually-active Canadians have had concerns about either their own, or their partner’s, low sexual desire or performance. The same study showed that, despite the impact these concerns can have on a relationship, many people choose to simply not talk about them. In fact, almost seven in 10 (67%) of Canadians have not considered speaking to a doctor about their concerns.
What does this mean? The majority of people with sexual concerns are probably not dealing with them effectively, and are not aware that a support network exists.
I firmly believe that nobody should not resign oneself to anything but a deeply satisfying and pleasurable sex life. Now is the time to break the cycle of silence, because it can be deadly for your sex life.
You can start by following these steps:
- Talk to your partner.
It should come as no surprise that a lack of communication between partners is the source of the vast majority of sexual concerns. If you want a better sex life, start talking about it - the great parts, the good parts and the not-so-good parts. Do not sweep your concerns under the rug - discuss them. Create a comfortable environment to have the conversation. Let your partner know that you are committed to having a great sex life, and approach the issues as a team instead of assigning blame or pointing fingers.
- Get in contact with a great sex therapist or coach.
Having an objective, educated third party to support you can help resolve issues quickly and effectively.
- Talk to your doctor or pharmacist.
These people are highly trained to advise you on the most up-to-date solutions and treatments for the difficulties you are experiencing.
There are several very common sexual concerns for men and women. As many as 4 in 10 women struggle with having the level of sexual interest and desire they would like. One of the most common concerns for men involves early ejaculation. These issues impact millions of people each year, and there are methods and treatments available to resolve them.
Start by engaging the people in your life who can support you, and you will be well on your way to resolving your concerns and creating the sex life that you want – and deserve.
Expert's corner n°1 - August 2015
A complex thing called desire
Louise-Andrée Saulnier, human sexuality consultant
The decline of sexual desire is –by far– the most widespread reason that brings couples in sexual therapy. When desire evaporates, it doesn’t take too long for troubles to come into play, threatening the survival of the couple itself.
Several components influence how desire manifests itself. Depending on age life stage, fluctuations in the appetite for sexual activity can be explained in several ways. For example, it is not uncommon for new moms, struggling with stress and fatigue caused by their new role as a mother, to momentarily experience a lack of interest for “carnal pleasure”. When this lack of interest persists, questions should be raised. It’s important to also take note that certain illnesses, such as depression, and certain drugs can affect sexual arousal, in the same way relationship issues can.
It is important to know that our desire rests on three fundamental pillars:
"Drive” (it’s the biological aspect, what nature gives us, our instinct)
Motivation (it’s the psychological aspect, feelings, emotions, our life story)
Aspiration (it’s the cognitive aspect, what “I” intend to do with my desire)
It is for this reason that disorders relating to desire are often complex. None the less, it is vital not to jump too quickly to the conclusion that a decline of desire means desertion of love. It is important that partners speak honestly to each other and pinpoint elements that could threaten their intimacy.
When desire fades, the typical signs of sexual arousal such as the swelling of the clitoris and the penis, as well as lubrication in women, can also flicker. Genital organs respond less because the mechanism that makes them receptive to intimacy is in slow motion.
Fortunately, medical science offers us solutions today that may help remedy these unfortunate drawbacks. There are no miracle treatments in this world, but if one of those new options works for some, why not give it a try? Pleasure plays a decisive role in the duration of a couple.